A few Sundays ago during Advent, Andrew was thinking through a Question-of-the-Day. I threw out When’s A Time You Felt Loved? and to my surprise, that’s what Andrew went with. Then it was even more surprising when it led to a time of time of heartfelt, 60-Second-Storylike sharing in the service.
Which got me thinking – how would I answer that question?
- I feel loved when I realize that God’s process of transformation ends up with me becoming more human.
While growing up, I tried many of the world’s ways of “self-improvement”, but most of those only masked my pain, rather than heal it. But when God shows that he wants me to let something go or turn away from an attitude and behavior, though I may try to resist him, I’m learning that everything changes for the better. The thing that I notice the most about God’s version of life-transformation is that when I “die to myself” my humanity and the core of who God made me to be remains fully free and intact.
- I feel loved when I see that God is accommodating for the limitations brought on by my neurodivergence.
He knows me, that I am a jar of clay, filled with weakness, but loves me and uses me anyway. I can’t help but feel loved because I spent decades in a culture where my neurodivergence was dismissed and there were no accommodations. I couldn’t be myself and I didn’t have the capacity to walk out the fullness of the gospel. I feel loved because God’s accommodation allows me to better focus on what matters at each moment, and rest in his “grace that is sufficient for me”.
- I feel loved when I realize that God tailors the communication about his process with the verbiage that I need to receive the information.
I feel loved when the communication of the process starts with where I am at and doesn’t skip any step in the process. I feel loved when God explains his reasoning so I can be fully on board with his process, even when I don’t like it. I feel loved when his process addresses the things that are at the root of why it seems like I am rebellious.
- I feel loved when God redeems faulty narratives which informed my beliefs.
The environments I grew up in filled my heart with lies and half-truths about my value and purpose. I feel loved when God calls those things for what they are, helping me to sort out truth from error in my thinking, and things that matter from things that don’t.
- I feel loved when I see how many times I would have given up on myself, yet God in his steadfast love stayed the course.
I feel loved when I realize that God sees the good things that I have, that he put there when he made me, that he was willing to pay any price to have that for himself.
I call it bending over backwards, because life as a neurodivergent in the world feels like I am bending over backwards for everyone without hope that anyone will do the same for me. But I found that God has already bent over backwards for me: He died for my sins on the cross. Not only that, he continues to bend over backwards for me with how he talks to me and with what his expectations are for me. His yoke is light because he always does his part, even when I resist doing mine.
- I feel loved when God allows me to take the time that I need to come around.
- I feel loved when God lets me know what is coming so that I can prepare.
- I feel loved when I realize that God is setting everything up inside and outside so that in his time we can all walk out God’s purposes together.
- I feel loved whenever I realize the privilege that God has given me to share words of encouragement to others and speak into things that are in their hearts.
- I feel loved when he guides me in how to tackle social situations.
- I feel loved when I see how I used to be and realize that those things don’t exist anymore because of God’s changes.
- I feel loved when I realize how much God has empowered me to be my full self at work and with his Body.
- I feel loved when I am in relationship with Jesus.