A few weeks ago in a sermon, we stressed the importance of commitment to a healthy marriage. Commitment or compatibility – which is most important in marriage, we asked? Compatibility is important, but we concluded that commitment is better.
But what does commitment look like? Is it just someone who tries really hard to do something? Not necessarily. Maybe the reason you work so hard at it is because you like it, not because you’re committed to it. What happens if you stop liking it?
The more you think about it, commitment has a specific signature. It possesses certain traits. And while watching a Ken Burns documentary recently on the expedition of Lewis and Clark, I saw with my own eyes what commitment looks like. Life is metaphor. So though it might seem odd, here are seven traits seen in a person who knows the power of commitment.
Trait #1: Commitment prepares for the road ahead.
It took Meriwether Lewis and William Clark a full year just to make preparations for their 8,000 mile, two-year journey, during which time they purchased supplies, recruited personnel, and built boats for the more than 40 people who would enlist in what was called the Corps Of Discovery.
Their list included the best weaponry, state of the art navigational equipment, medicine, clothing, camping gear, food, paper and ink with which to keep their journals and records. The longest section of his list was for gifts with which to trade with and win over the Indians. They outfitted for this journey a floating Home Depot and Cabelas. Every single one of the men who joined what was called the Corps of Discovery knew full well what they were signing up for. Not a one of them could say, “But I didn’t know we’d have to go through this. I never prepared for this.”
Marriage is indeed the same sort of journey. In the traditional wedding vows words to this effect are used: “Marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, thoughtfully, soberly, and in the fear of God.” Benjamin Franklin put it another way: “You should enter into marriage with your eyes wide open, and afterwards, half shut.”
Jesus asks for total commitment from those who follow him. He’s not a fan of lukewarmness, In keeping with this commitment he asks from us, he insists that potential followers think through the cost of their discipleship. “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it. Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’” – Luke 14:28-30.
Why did Jesus talk this way? Was he trying to scare them off? Not as much as he was trying to prepare them for the road ahead.
Trait #2: Commitment keeps its promises.
The Lewis and Clark expedition was not kept a secret from the nation. It was a big deal, especially following so closely after the nation doubled in size overnight when Napoleon sold us the Louisiana Territory for $15 million dollars (three cents an acre, so not bad!)
Lewis and Clark were formally commissioned for the task. Jefferson asked for money from the federal budget to fund it. And he wrote a detailed “Great Commission” letter for them that describes in detail the scientific records they were to keep, of the geography, the animals, the plants, the weather, the customs of the Indians, and how they are to engage the Indians, and what to do if everything went south with the Indians, and what they were to do when they reached the Pacific.
Lewis and Clark and their team would have had no doubt that they were on the highest of missions. In accepting this mission, they knew they were making promises to the nation that they must not break upon point of death. In keeping with that spirit, it seems miraculous to learn that not one man deserted or quit or abandoned the mission.
We’ve lost today the full appreciation of what it means to keep our word. The Bible speaks very soberly about the necessity of keeping our promises and fulfilling our vows. Numbers 30:2 says “When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.” It’s a serious thing before God to break our word. The oaths we swear in marriage to “love, honor and cherish till death do we part”, are words heard by heaven itself.
Trait #3: Commitment weathers the storms.
Storms are a part of life. Anyone who expects life to be storm-free is foolish. Sadly though, many do, and they think to themselves, “At the first sign of trouble, I’m out of here.” Part of the preparation that each member of Corps of Discovery had to do individually was to mentally steel themselves for the challenges that lie ahead.
Anything you can imagine that could pose a hardship, did. Almost anything you can imagine that could go wrong – did. The mosquitoes were relentless. The Missouri River ran against them the entire way till they reached its headwaters the following year. They wintered the first year in a fort in North Dakota. (I lived for five years in Minnesota, next door to North Dakota. You do not want to winter in North Dakota!)
When at last they reached the headwaters of the Missouri, they were told they had a tiny stretch of hilly terrain to crisscross before finding the Columbia River which would bring them to the Pacific Ocean. They discovered instead that there never was a “Northwest Passage”, but instead a massive line of mountains, twice the height of what they called “mountains” back home in the east, barring their way like Mount Doom. Frodo and Sam had nothing on Lewis and Clark. Sickness, starvation, exhaustion dogged them the rest of the way. And when at last they arrived, they had a long, cold, wet coastal winter to endure in makeshift cabins, 50-foot square, having nothing to eat but roots and dogmeat, only then to have to make the long trek back, and do it all over again.
What a picture of marriage. A new marriage begins with family and friends giving us three cheers from the riverbank. But the current inevitably runs against you for long stretches. Mosquitoes start to suck the blood out of your relationship. Busyness. Distractions. Misunderstandings. Children. Grief. Sickness. Financial pressures. Countless things can test the resiliency of a relationship. And they must be weathered. In other words, we can’t let the storms break us.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of you faith produces steadfastness.” (James 1:2-3). Commitment is the husk that protects the kernel of love and faith when storms come.
Trait #4: Commitment works through problems.
Storms are something you can’t do anything about. They’re going to come and you need to ride them out. Problems are something you can do something about. You don’t weather problems, you solve them.
Lewis and Clark woke up most every morning having no idea what things lay ahead of them that day. Perhaps their greatest test came when they came to a fork in the water, with two equal-sized rivers splitting off from each other, and they had no idea which was the Missouri. They had to work the problem.
Later as the mountains drew nearer, they needed to find horses to carry them over the mountains, which meant bartering with the Indians, who were then nowhere to be found. So Lewis and three others split off and went looking for Indians. When they found them, things could easily have gotten ugly swiftly. But in one of the great coincidences of history, the chief of the Shoshone tribe they encountered, just happened to be the brother of an Indian woman the Corps had hired back in North Dakota, a woman named Sacajawea, who had been kidnapped several years earlier from this region.
Sadly, especially in marriage, couples treat problems the way they treat storms, they ride them out thinking they’ll just go away. But they don’t go away. If the way in which you talk to each other is destructive, that’s not going to go away because you ignore it. In fact, it will get worse. You need to solve this problem. You need to learn new and better ways to communicate.
In church life, if you keep burying conflict under the rug, rather than dealing with the issues that keep tripping you up, the problem is not going to magically go away until you do something about it. Time does not heal all wounds. You have to work the problem.
Trait #5: Commitment is willing to find a guide.
When Lewis realized early on he needed a partner, he readily turned to his best friend William Clark with a letter that read, “My friend, if there was anything in this enterprise that would induce you to participate with me in its fatigues, its dangers, and its honors, believe me there is no man on earth with whom I would feel equal pleasure in sharing them as with yourself.”
That same attitude of humbly seeking help was there that first winter when Sacajawea and her husband were hired to help them. The Bible says there is safety in a multitude of counselors.
My wife Janis and I had a storm-filled, problem-plagued marriage in our early years. The breakthrough came when we decided to find a guide for us, a professional counselor who became for us a third set of ears and eyes to help us navigate our way through the barren wilderness we had made of our relationship.
In church life, finding a guide can mean learning to recognize the unique gifts and calling that God gives to each person in my church family, then being humble enough to let those people speak God’s Word to me, pray for me, encourage me, teach me.
By the time the Corp of Discovery were spending their second winter on the west coast, something remarkable had happened to this group which historian Stephen Ambrose called attention to in the Ken Burns documentary. (You can view the following clip here.)
“This was a family, that had come together and formed a team for the exploration of the continent of North America. And they couldn’t have done it if they hadn’t become a family. Everyone of them could recognize a cough in the night and know who it was. They could hear a footstep and know who it was. They knew who liked salt in their meat and who didn’t. They knew who was the best shot in the expedition. Who was the fastest runner. They knew who was the man who could get a fire burning the fastest on a rainy day. They knew, because they sat around the campfire, and learned about each other’s parents and loved ones, and each ones hopes. And they came to love each other to the point where they would sell their own lives gladly to save a comrade. They had become a band of brothers, and together they were able to accomplish feats that we just stand astonished at today when we look at them.”
As I listened to his words, I thought to myself, “Oh if this could only become a description of every congregation that names Jesus Christ as its Lord!” Most of the guides we need for life, the support we need, the healers and helpers we need – are already with us and around us in the Church. Oh that we could show this level of commitment to one another!
Trait #6: Commitment puts pleasure in its place and grows in discipline.
I’m always haunted by that verse of Paul’s in 2 Timothy 3:4 where Paul says that in the last days people will be lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. That verse haunts me because I like pleasure as much as they next person. But pleasure needs to take its rightful place in the overall scheme of things. I’d rather eat chocolate than vegetables, but I know where chocolate belongs. I’d rather lay on a beach than exercise, but I know where rest belongs. When pleasure comes in its rightful place – after I’ve fulfilled my commitments, it’s so much sweeter. But when I go for the pleasure first thing, the sweetness I think I must have now!, always turns sour.
Trait #7: Commitment remembers it will give an account of its journey.
Lewis and Clark knew that they had a commission from the most powerful man in America, and that upon their return they would have to give a report to President Jefferson. And you child of God have a commission from the most powerful being in all the universe. And upon his return, you will give a report to Jesus Christ, your Creator, Savior and Lord.
Romans 14:12 says, “So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.”
Can you see why commitment is a necessary companion for every soul that learns to live life well? It’s a discipline to be treasured that touches every aspect of your life. It touches your marriage, your friendships, and all your other relationships as well. Commitment is vital for achieving your goals and dreams. For finding financial freedom. And commitment is vital, of course, to your faith in Christ as well.
2 Chronicles 16:9 says, “For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” (NIV; the NASB reads, “…whose heart is completely His.”)
One day, we’ll stand before our Lord, and lock eyes with him. What account will you give him of your journey through life, and the commitments you made?